His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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