I am puke
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
