Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
