The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
