Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize