did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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