the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
