Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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