so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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