I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
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She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
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New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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