Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
