Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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