I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
