She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
