Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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