Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
