There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
