he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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