porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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