So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
