That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
