I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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