Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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