Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
