he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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