hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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