R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
