Swine flu. Run for my life!
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
