textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
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I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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