yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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