I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
