he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
