12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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