I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
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I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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