I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
