I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
