It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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