Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
