I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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