I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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