cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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