Can i not drive my cunt home
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
