I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
