i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
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FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
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Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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