cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
