you have to choose: penises or morals?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
