I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
