that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
