just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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