I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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