the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
