you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
