Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
