Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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