I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
