dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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