1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
