We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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